Spicing Things Up With My Boyfriend Across An Ocean
My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months- and yes- we are still very much in our honeymoon phase. But soon, there is going to be a huge bump in the road: I'm a junior going abroad this spring, and he is a senior graduating in May.
I'm the type of person to make this experience positive. I think that when people get close to one year of dating, they get bored: their sex is the same, they're in the same routines, it's not as spicy, and then the unthinkable happens: your friends call you “the old married couple” (my worst nightmare).
I think for any girls out there that are going abroad, and their partners are not, you have to see it as an opportunity to actually grow on your own and have that feeling of missing someone. Here’s what I look forward to: my relationship at the end of abroad will be so strong. Being away from each other for almost four months is a big deal. In practically no time, I’ll be back home, having lots of sex, and feeling like I’m back in the honeymoon phase. But for the time that I am abroad, I have created my very own relationship guide to keep things spicy, exciting, and alive with my boyfriend.
Disclaimer: The topics discussed in this article are based on one's personal experience. We are by no means mental health or relationship experts.
Tip #1: Pick up your phone and start SEXTING!
I don't want a boring sex life. My partner will be away from me, and DISCLAIMER, he's going to be jerking off and extremely horny all of the time. But, THIS IS A GOOD THING! I want him to be pleased, and I want to be the person to please him.
How to start it off: Ease into it! Simply start with saying cute things like, “I miss you,” “I want to cuddle with you,” and “I wish you were here with me.” When they are in the mood, start to say something specific like, “I want to kiss down your stomach and then kiss all the way down…” (You know where this is going…) Before I know it, my boyfriend will be in the mood, and I can start to get dirty and truly improvise. Now it’s time to say things like, “I love when you do that to me, baby.”
Typically when sexting, one person is very nervous, and the other is not. But it only takes one to initiate, and soon it will all come as second nature.
PS: You could literally be touring the Louvre, sitting in bed in a sweatsuit, or dancing in a nightclub at 3 am sexting your s/o. This can be done literally any time and anywhere.
Tip #2: Phone Sex ;)
If you feel comfortable enough FaceTiming your s/o or having a mobile call, it could really spice things up. You have to learn to be comfortable getting in the mood in the morning or at night, which for me was physically impossible. If you asked my boyfriend, he would tell you that it was impossible to get me in the mood- I just couldn't do it. But, with the time zone difference, I have to get used to it, or I will have to figure out a nighttime/ midday routine for him.
If your s/o is hornier, they will accommodate your time zone. HOWEVER, it is very fun to do it over the phone. I think it's very exciting. I like to hear my boyfriend’s voice. It’s really similar to what it would be like in bed together because we’re looking at each other, feeling turned on, and saying the same things we would do during sex, but over FaceTime.
Tip # 3: Feel sexy in your own body
Once in a while, wear a sexy bra/undies set or lingerie under your dress at night when you're abroad. Not for any other person, but so that when you get home, you can send a video of you slipping off your dress to your s/o. Little things like that go a long way in the relationship: they’ll want you and miss you.
Tip #4: Finish with your s/o
If you continue to spice it up, you may finish once a day. Personally, I'm the type of person who needs to finish one to two times a day. But other couples in relationships have sex one to three times a week. Everyone and every couple is different!
It is beneficial for you both to try to finish at least five times a week. I know that's asking for a lot, but here’s my reasoning: My boyfriend's a senior in college. He’s going to be partying and enjoying his last semester, and I want him to. I also still want him to know who I am. I still want him to think I'm sexy. I still want him to finish for me. I still want him!
Tip #5: Don't make yourself go crazy.
If you can't do any of these steps, that doesn't mean the relationship will fail. It is healthy and normal to feel suffocated with feelings and to feel upset at times. Don't let your relationship get in the way of having a great experience of your own.
I have a hard time with change. I'm probably going to have anxiety in the beginning for sure. But at the end of the day, I will be traveling with my friends, partying, studying, singing, and eating good food.
Tip #6: If you tend to get more emotional in your relationship, this one's for you.
Communicate with your s/o emotionally and sexually. You both need to have an understanding of each other’s needs. So if your s/o knows that you are an emotional person, great, if they don’t, you need to express it.
Personally, I needed to learn how to express my feelings in a non-psycho way. I feel like most girls I know have had their psycho moments. Some girls are psycho on their own. Sometimes their s/o makes them psycho. When you're in the same location, the conflict can get resolved quickly. But you can't really have these moments of conflict when you're 6000 miles away. So to help avoid it, MAKE SURE TO COMMUNICATE.
Tip #7: Dealing with anxiety
I really, really strongly advise everyone to think of exercises and stuff that will help their anxious feelings when they're away. If you start a silly fucking argument with your boyfriend, it's really not going to work. You can't have emotional makeup. You can't have sexual makeup. You can't have anything because you're going to be miles away from your s/o.
If you’re going to have issues like this, from personal experience, I believe it’s better to talk over the phone and resolve your issues. But, it's better to try to prevent those issues in the first place. And again, that all comes down to communication.
Tips #8: For the girl who feels like she wants to fuck other people:
Some people are in a relationship but don't want to be while they’re abroad, which is still important for them. You need to assess if you want to be single or not. I bet you a lot of people want to be single, long-distance relationships are not for everyone, and that is okay.
My Words of Wisdom:
I think that the number one thing to make it through abroad while also spicing things up is being emotionally and sexually honest and open with your s/o. Knowing how to communicate is major. If you don't, it's totally okay, but that's definitely the first step for everything. Before you leave, have a conversation, plan out how you're going to spice things up, and figure out how to make it work, so you’re both happy.
This is going to be the time of your life and possibly the best thing that could ever happen to your relationship. So, get excited and get fucking spicy!