Breakup Survival Guide
Breakups are never easy. Trust me, I know. In August of 2019, I ended my three-year relationship with my then-boyfriend. He was my best friend, and I thought that he was the love of my life. We had dreams together, plans for the future, and we even discussed a wedding and babies. My world was crashing down on me, and I felt completely and utterly alone. The road to recovery was long, but I survived, and so will you.
The first step is to stop feeling bad for yourself. Fuck eating ice cream, stop listening to sad songs and change your perspective. Although it may not seem like it right now, this breakup is a gift, and you will learn so much from it. Reflect on your relationship. Often, after a breakup, we find that we can only remember the good memories. Those memories are yours; just because you have broken up doesn’t mean that they are gone or now meaningless; be content with your past. Still, whether or not you ended the relationship, something clearly didn’t work. This is your opportunity to decide what you will and won’t tolerate in the future. Make a list of all the reasons you chose to end the relationship or of all the things that upset you throughout it. Maybe they made you feel inadequate, perhaps you never felt like a priority, maybe they had a crazy mother who tried to compete with you; whatever it was, note it and never allow yourself to tolerate it again.
The second step -and this is a big one- is to cut off all contact with your ex. There’s no shame in sending a drunk 2 am text to him or randomly snapping him just to see his face. I promise we’ve all been there. I know how hard it is, but you won’t be ready to move on or even start the process until he’s entirely removed from your life. Nothing good will ever come out of talking to your ex. Regardless of how the conversation goes, you will find yourself feeling sadder than you were before, I promise. It turns into an endless cycle of hope, betrayal, shame, and anger. Block his number, block his Snapchat, block his Instagram, block his Facebook, even block his Venmo! It may seem extreme, but if you don’t, you will be tempted to talk to him again, and you will regret it.
Third, don’t drown your sorrow with boys or rush into another relationship. You are at your most vulnerable right now, and you need to take this time to focus on yourself. Boys are a great distraction, hence the notorious post-breakup “hoe phase,” but distractions won’t fix you. After a long relationship, I know how scary it is to feel like you’re alone. You might find yourself thinking that you would rather be with someone than with no one at all, but it’s better to be alone than with the wrong person. Invest in yourself, take on a new hobby, figure out your likes and dislikes without the influence of another person, and learn how to love yourself without someone else’s validation. You will come out so much stronger, and I promise your next relationship, whenever that may be, will be so much better and healthier because of it.
Finally, try to connect or reconnect with those people who care about you. I personally really struggled with this. I lost many so-called friends after my breakup, and the fear of having no one to even talk to almost destroyed me. I surrounded myself with family and made so many amazing new friends that I never would have gotten the chance to get close with otherwise. It’s essential to have a support system, and it’s important to vent and get your thoughts out, don’t neglect that.
My breakup was the hardest thing that I had ever gone through, I never thought that I would be able to move on, but I did! I’m ok, I’m actually so much better than ok, I’m great, and I know that you will be too.
By Daniella Fink, Cornell ‘22